3am Prayers

Every night between 3am and 5am I am awake. Trust me, this is definitely not on purpose. My heart just draws me awake and I creep through the house stepping over dogs and half-finished projects and I just sit in Adelen’s nursery.

Sometimes I sit and pray, sometimes I read, sometimes I cry. I imagine this is what a lot of expectant mommas do in the days and weeks leading up to the birth of their sweet child. Lately there’s been more crying and praying that I would like to admit.

These last few weeks are a lot harder than I expected them to be. And, while there are moments of joy and overwhelming thankfulness that God is fulfilling this prayer we have prayed a million times, there are moments when fear takes over my heart.

What if something is wrong with the baby….
What if we can’t pull together the final $4,000.00 we need….
What if they can’t give us a room at the hospital and we have to live in a hotel for a month….
What if our birth mom changes her mind….

I know God doesn’t want me to be afraid. I know He has my back whatever the outcome. I know I have prayed for hours begging Him to cover these fears with His strength, grace and mercy…. But here I am at 4:30am full of fear, crying, feeling defeated.

Have you been there? In the heat of a struggle in your life, feeling like you are doing EXACTLY what God has called you to do and been full of fear, feeling overwhelmed and defeated? It sucks. A lot.

Friends, I’m at a loss- I need your prayers. Please pray for God to calm my heart, to protect it as well over the next few weeks. Continue to pray for our brave birth mom- that she stays healthy and strong, and that God will encourage her and provide her grace over these last weeks and the weeks following as this has to be an amazingly hard choice for her to make. Please pray for God to lead us to and provide the last bit of funding we need to make this adoption possible. Pray for the safety of our sweet Adelen and a healthy delivery and quick release from the hospital. Pray that God will strengthen our hearts and spirits to fight through the next several weeks…. There is nothing we have prayed for more than this little girl. 

The Missing Piece

This week we had the chance to visit our birth mom and get a glimpse of Adelen on an ultrasound. *cue the tears* Everything looks great and it looks like she may get here a little earlier than we planned! That means we are raising our fundraising into hyper-drive to meet all of our final financial obligations as well as prepare ourselves for up to 30 days in Virginia once our little girl arrives.

One. Final. Fundraiser. Seriously y'all- if we can band together and make this fundraiser a success... we are DONE fundraising! This one is super easy.... we need your help to find our missing piece of the puzzle.

We have ordered a 500 piece puzzle and are asking you to sponsor one piece of the puzzle for $10. Ok... who are we kidding? We would like you to sponsor 10 pieces- but think 1 piece is more attainable for everyone! That's just 2 cups of your favorite coffee, 1 meal at Chipotle, 3-5 gallons of gas (depending on the day), an appetizer at your favorite chain restaurant- JUST $10 could CHANGE the life of this little girl!

There are 3 ways to sponsor:
1. Send us a check!
2. Use the CashApp on your phone, our ID is $onemoresmith (or search for patrickandcourtneyadopt@gmail.com) (This app doesn't charge any fees and is pretty amazing all around- it's a green square with a white dollar sign)
3. FACEBOOK let's you send money- no fees :)
4. Sponsor via PayPal using the link below:

The Missing Piece

1 Piece $10.00 USD 2 Pieces $20.00 USD 3 Pieces $30.00 USD 4 Pieces $40.00 USD 5 Pieces $50.00 USD 6 Pieces $60.00 USD 7 Pieces $70.00 USD 8 Pieces $80.00 USD 9 Pieces $90.00 USD 10 Pieces $100.00 USD

If you have any questions- just reach out to us on our facebook page (https://facebook.com/onemoresmithin2015/) or by email: patrickandcourtneyadopt@gmail.com.

3rd Annual Adoption Golf Tournament

Here we are in the final few weeks of fundraising and we are working so hard to meet all of our final financial obligations as well as prepare for our trip to Virginia to stay with our baby girl until we can bring her home!

Along this journey we have been blessed to cross paths with some AMAZING people. One couple in particular is Jennifer and Anthony Giugliano. They spent two years working tirelessly to bring home their son Jonathan! (You can read more about their journey here) Anthony and Jennifer worked so hard and came up with an awesome golf tournament that they had a vision to continue in future years to help other adopting families.... we are so humbled that they chose to help us.

Now we need YOUR help! Please consider entering this golf tournament on June 9th at Indian Hills Golf Course to support our journey to bring #onemoresmith. There are so many ways you can help:

1. GOLF: Team slots are still available! It is $300 per team or $75 per golfer (The rules for the tournament are below)

2. SPONSOR: Can't golf? Sponsor a team for $300 or be a hole or tee sponsor for just $25!

3. DONATE: We are giving away amazing "swag bags" to all of our golfers! Let's get your information in their hands with some great give-a-ways! We are also going to have items to raffle away and are looking for a few more prizes to add to our table!

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to call or email us!
803-521-7576 or patrickandcourtneyadopt@gmail.com

SIGN UP AND DONATE USING PAYPAL NOW

Register and Donate

Team Registration $300.00 USD Individual Registration $75.00 USD Title Sponsor $500.00 USD Team Sponsor $300.00 USD Hole/ Tee Sponsor $25.00 USD Hole/ Tee Sponsor $50.00 USD Hole/ Tee Sponsor $100.00 USD Hole/ Tee Sponsor $200.00 USD

2017 RULES:

4 Player - Captain's Choice - Par Pickup!!! - Shotgun Start - 8:00am

"Pink Lady"- Each team will receive a pink golf ball prior to the shotgun start.

On Par 3's and Par 5's, one golfer on that team plays a pink golf ball.  Each member of the team must play the "Pink Lady" ball at least once, but no more than twice in the tournament. For example, Player A uses it on the first hole, B on the second, C on the third, D on the fourth, then back to A on the fifth and so on.
On each hole, the golfer with the pink ball, plays the ball by themselves. The other three golfers will play normal captain's choice.  The score of the Pink Lady on the selected holes is kept separate from the team's overall score.

The team with the lowest Pink Lady score wins a bonus prize. If the pink ball is lost, the team is eliminated from the prize running. 

Mulligan (Package) $20

• "DO OVER" (good for one mulligan)
• Underhand Toss (great for deep sand shots!)
• Start 1 hole from the Ladies Tee Box (Par 4/5's only)
• 3' of string used to move your ball closer to the hole, away from a hazard, gimme putt, etc. Each time the string is used, the length must be cut off and discarded. (scissors will be given out)

SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES:

Title Sponsor $500
You'll get lead recognition on all printed materials including media releases, all golf cart and driving range signage, one tee sign, and tournament banner.
Onsite mention and recognition throughout tournament.
Opportunity to speak at awards ceremony.
Recognition as Title Sponsor Adoption website and follow-up letter sent to all participants/sponsors.
Individual & team registration waived for (1) golf foursome.

Team Sponsor $300
If you don't play, or can't make it, Sponsor A Team!
We'll mention you and/or your business throughout the tournament AND give you a Tee/Green Sponsorship sign!

Tee Sponsor $25
You'll get recognition throughout the tournament.

Company name and logo at tee.

Recognition as Tee Sponsor here on the blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the follow-up letter we will send to all participants/sponsors.

Two Months and Waiting

We're so sorry we haven't posted in so long.... the truth of the matter was that for so long we couldn't think about adoption anymore.... we stopped praying... we lost faith... we closed the door on the nursery we built and let the dust settle into every corner. But we are so thankful that God didn't turn his back on us... he didn't lose faith.... he didn't close the door on us.

On May 2, 2017 (just 21 days ago), we were matched with a birth mother in Virginia. It's all still a little hard to believe.... I keep waking up in the middle of the night wondering if it's all just a dream.

Today marks two months until our sweet little girl's due date! TWO MONTHS. 8 WEEKS.... give or take a few days. While there still seems so much to do, sometimes we just sit and wait. Waiting seems so silly after the nearly 3 years we have been waiting for this moment. But here we sit and wait....

We wait for phone calls from our agency, our attorney, our birth mom. Some with news and upcoming appointments and moments to look forward to, some are letting us know the costs are going up... again.

We wait for God to bring together all of these amazing people we have known (and some we haven't) to provide love and support through cards and hugs, gifts and encouragement.

We wait for our hearts and minds to calm down each night and we pray for peace. Peace that God has already walked this journey before us and each rock and rise and fall of the road has been with a purpose. Peace that He has and will provide every penny we will need to bring our precious gift home.

We wait for the "other" shoe to drop and for our match to fall apart.... it happens more often than anyone knows and, man... my heart gets so heavy thinking about that sometimes. We already love this little girl more than words could ever express.... she is a member of our family, and we are her's.

We wait for God to see us, to see this amazing birth mom who is making such a huge decision and giving the greatest gift anyone could ever give... a child. We wait for God to see this tiny baby, to make her whole, healthy and complete in His image. We wait.

We wait... for another chance to tell our story, to give God all the glory, to pour into another family who needs to know God is waiting with them.

Thank you for waiting with us too.

It's Not Fair

The other day I had a student say to me, "that's not fair." I can't remember what we were doing or what he was calling not fair, but my response was life's not fair. If life was fair we would be nailed to a cross, instead of Jesus. I know I work in a public school and I shouldn't say the name of Jesus, oh well get over it.

You might be wondering what does that have to do with a blog on adoption and fertility. I just wanted to give a background to what has been going through my mind this week. I've found these words popping into my head over and over, "it's not fair". I know life's not fair, but through this journey it's hard not to be upset with God. It's hard not to want to shout at him, it's not fair or that's not fair.

Here's some things that I have found myself saying to God, it's not fair. When a baby is killed by their parents or by the mother’s boyfriend, it bothers me that they have children and we can't. When women have an abortion, when there is another option.

But the absolute one that has me shouting at God, it's not fair, is when I see my wife driven to tears because the one thing she wants more than anything is to be a mother. I can't do anything to change that: it breaks my heart.

The latest instance that had me wanting to shout, "it's not fair," happened this weekend. We had a new home study done, because we've decided to try self-matching. The case worker that came to the house at the end of her time with us said, you should count yourselves as expecting now and in nine months you will have a baby. I think we surprised her when we didn't seem happy or excited by that, Courtney explained that we've heard that before and our response was just do to past let downs. That's not fair, we should have been over the moon excited for that.

In conclusion, one of the greatest things about being a Christian is that I'm allowed to doubt God. But when I doubt God, he has an incredible way of reminding me that he has this. That God’s preparing this special child for Courtney and I, also that all is in his control.

Joshua 1:9

"This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9, NLT)

I would have to say the last few months, I've been living "afraid or discouraged" and not "strong and courageous" more often than I care to admit. The worst (and most truthful) part of that statement is that for all the time I have spent afraid and discouraged, I have absolutely nothing to show for it. We are nearly two years into this adoption experience and my arms are still empty.... and so it my heart. 

There is an emptiness that comes with infertility that can't be explained or fixed. There is an overwhelming feeling of loss and inadequacy that comes and goes (usually at the most random and inappropriate times). Some days I find refuge in the fact that only my relationship with Jesus can make me feel whole and complete.... lately, I've either been yelling at Him or refusing to speak to Him at all. I lay in bed at night a wonder if my silence hurts Him as much as His silence hurts me....

For every person that has an adoption story that is exciting and weaves a perfect story of God's grace and ideal timing, there's another story of someone grasping their way through, clenching on to every corner, rock and thorn of the path with every fiber of their being. Right now, I feel like we are that someone. 

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Just one glimpse at that plan would make me feel pretty good right about now. But, that would mean that I wasn't living my life with faith. Hebrews 11:1 tells me, "Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." I have never had faith or confidence in myself (honestly, ask my mom). But I do have faith in Jesus. I have faith that we have been called to be parents. I can say that without a doubt. What I'm not sure about is how that's going to happen.... or when. That's where my heart starts to break and everything gets unsteady in my heart. I have prayed a lot over the past few weeks about where our next step should be with this journey. I refuse to give up on this mission God has placed so deeply into my heart. 

Over the next several weeks we are going to be saving and fundraising to work with another agency that specializes in self-matching adoptions. They mostly help you market yourself in hopes that you will be able to meet a birth mother via social media and an online presence. One of the best parts for us is that these women have been in my shoes, and they love Jesus and have a heart for me and my journey. (I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it). This may seem a little radical to many, but the choice came down to staying with the agency we have been with for the last two years and paying another $3500 for an annual update fee, or partnering with this new ministry for the same amount and being able to be more hands-on. We have saved half of the funds already and just need to save/raise the other portion. Please be praying for and encouraging us during this time. This journey is so much harder than we ever imagined it would be. Our souls and spirits are tired and weary, and our hearts are heavy more days than not. This new path has ignited in us a new passion for the mission we have been called to, and we cannot thank y'all enough for sharing this journey with us. 

Be on the lookout for some great fundraising opportunities soon!

A Step Forward, a Leap in Faith

The last few weeks have been busier than normal around the Smith House. High school baseball is in full swing (get it?) and wedding season is right around the corner. Our minds have been so overwhelmed with to-do lists and we have fallen into bed exhausted every night.... It has made us wonder, "how in the world would we do this with a baby?"

This week, God gave us the answer.

I put my notice in at work. My last day with my "real job", SC Housing, will be March 31st. 

I am sure to many people this seems completely crazy and I have fielded more than a fair share of questions at work over the past few days. The truth is, we felt this is what God was calling us to do, so we have taken the leap of faith and are doing what He says. 

I have been very blessed to get to work with SC Housing. My team and the family there have always been supportive and loved on me through many ups and downs. I know they care and appreciate the work I have done and will continue to follow and support this journey we are on.

Ideally, Patrick and I had hoped that, one day, my wedding planning business would be enough to fill the gap to help support our family while raising our family. Now we see that it is enough to fill the gap while we prepare for our family. God has blessed this business tremendously and I know that by continuing to follow His direction, we will gain more than we had planned for ourselves.

We have no idea what this next phase of life looks like... Being a small business owner... Not having two regular paychecks... How we will go about raising the additional funds still needed. But God knows, and that's all we need to know. Please be praying for us and our journey! (It is certainly needed)